Sample Brochure Makeover
"After" Version

Review the "before" version of this sample makeover of a brochure for astrological compatibility reports from Kathryn McGlynn.

Here now are my comments on what the brochure needed to get a better response.

To its credit, the "before" version avoided the most common mistake in brochures: wasting the cover panel with the name of the product or the company in big letters. For the reader, that provokes a big "So what?" However, McGlynn's cover copy needs more pizzazz to maximize the product's appeal.

The original version didn't include enough information about how astrological reports would benefit couples. It also didn't make it clear that the insights came from a computer program, and explain why that represented an improvement over traditional methods.

Testimonials from satisfied customers always make it easier for prospects to imagine how they too might benefit. McGlynn had a few, but unfortunately her customers didn't feel comfortable giving permission to use their last names.

The order form contained no place for the customer to fill in a "ship to" address, and needed an introduction that reinforced the benefits of the product.

McGlynn decided to combine the two reports so that the brochure described only one product, and to re-format it to be printed out on 8 1/2" by 11" paper folded twice (instead of once) so that each panel measures 8 1/2" by approximately 3 1/2".

By the way, I'm pretty skeptical when it comes to this sort of thing, but McGlynn ran the program for me using the information I provided, and I was astounded at how precisely it pinpointed certain factors holding my relationship together that even my close friends don't know about.

Now here is my revised version.

The "After" Version

[front panel]

ARE YOU STAR-CROSSED LOVERS OR A HEAVENLY MATCH?

Discover the hidden truths about your relationship that astrological analysis can uncover.

• In what respects are the two of you compatible?

• In what areas do you face challenges?

• How can you anticipate and head off problems in your relationship?

[interior three panels]

Since ancient times, people have looked to the stars for insights about human behavior. Now it's easier than ever to understand the influences of the heavens on relationships, with the aid of a computer-generated report that incorporates the wisdom of the most experienced astrologers of our age.

From the days of Cleopatra and Mark Anthony, astrologers have given couples advice on their compatibilities and conflicts. They did this after painstaking mathematical and geometrical calculations. A tiny computational error could produce hugely inaccurate results.

Now, through the power of computers, you can be sure that your compatibility analysis reflects dependably charted influences and interactions among astrological components.

This report, written in ordinary English, offers a short-cut to the knowledge you'd have after several lifetimes in a relationship that you want to understand NOW.

* * *

We offer a computer-generated report that represents two distinct ways to understand a relationship:

I. Romantic Compatibility Chart

II. Romantic Composite Chart

The full report runs approximately 25 pages.

$29.95 includes shipping and handling.

I. The Romantic Compatibility Chart provides separate natal charts - one for each partner - along with an analysis of the relationship needs and potentials of each partner.

II. The Romantic Composite Chart compares both partners' charts and then describes the myriad of factors that mesh and clash in the relationship. It also indicates the prospects for each partner's romantic needs being fulfilled by the other.

[foldover flap]

"Thanks to the compatibility chart, we learned much about ourselves and each other as we embarked on our journey together. We read it on our honeymoon." - Jim & Bev, Massachusetts

"It made a great anniversary gift." - Ellen, Massachusetts

"There were some amazing revelations." - Whit, Massachusetts

"The astrology report contained observations that were amazingly on target. I was impressed." - Monica, Massachusetts

"This information helped us come to terms with our inherent natures. It would help any couple to realize what comes naturally to them as a couple and to understand areas in which they need to focus their attention." - Sharon & John, Pennsylvania

[back panel]

___ Yes! I'd like to find out what the heavens have to say about my relationship. Here's the information you need.

FIRST PARTNER'S NAME:
BIRTHDATE:
BIRTHTIME:
AM/PM:
BIRTHPLACE (CITY/STATE/COUNTRY):

SECOND PARTNER'S NAME:
BIRTHDATE:
BIRTHTIME:
AM/PM:
BIRTHPLACE (CITY/STATE/COUNTRY):

Please mail the report to:

Name:
Address:
City/State/ZIP:
Phone:

Enclose check or money order of $29.95, payable to:
Kathryn McGlynn
P.O. Box 685
Sturbridge, MA 01566
(781)340-2146

THANK YOU AND ENJOY!

If you'd like a free, no-obligation quote on a brochure makeover, simply email your draft to Marcia Yudkin.

Want to learn to perform makeovers like this one - and get paid for your skill?  Check out the Marketing Protégé Program, a one-on-one tutorial that trains you to become a marketing consultant in 10 weeks.

Copyright 1999 Marcia Yudkin.  All rights reserved.